If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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