Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
