i permit you to call me
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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