I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
