I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
