so that wasnt chicken after all
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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