Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
