I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm jealous of your bromance
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
