god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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