you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
