we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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