I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
