Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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