He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Randomize
