So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
