Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
