he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
