you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
