Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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