That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
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I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
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My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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