Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
do herpes really smell.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
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