I wannas sexs uuuuu
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
