yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
