He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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