All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
