Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
