The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
