That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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