you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
