i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
