I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
