fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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