he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
is that a dick in a sweater?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.