You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
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just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
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Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake