Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
