; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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