I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Too much gin, very little bucket
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
