How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
