Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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