I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You need a sexual gate keeper
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize