this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
