Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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