he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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