All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
