this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
