When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
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I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
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It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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