Soap is not a condiment
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize