Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
