I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
