Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
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