I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
