Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
