I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
