im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
