she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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