I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
