If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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