He kissed a someone with a penis
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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