Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
