He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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