Ketchup is God's man juice
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
They are going to name an STD after you.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Randomize
