New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
