Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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