Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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