I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
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E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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